Stranger: Hey there
You: Who the hell are you?
Stranger: Strangest stranger you'll ever talk to.
You: StrangEST!?
You: You have some kind of bodily deformation?
Stranger: Quite strange.
Stranger: Yeah I got a penis on my chest how about you?
You: I've got a chest in front of my lungs.
Stranger: That's a weird one.
You: Well, yeah. I don't remember which came first.
Stranger: Your chest isn't weirdly swollen or anything, right?
You: You want to know if I am a girl. Or not.
You: That is not strange.
You: Nearly everyone asks me that.
Stranger: I thought it was a slightly more creative method of asking, simply because the opportunity arose.
You: You have plummeted to the lowest common denominator all the same.
Stranger: I don't normally bother, since I really don't care.
Stranger: Meh, I'll live.
You: Yeh.
You: We'll both live.
You: Except maybe if you have medical complications due to the placement of your organ.
You: In which case, you might not live.
Stranger: I was actually quoting a bizarre youtube video
You: So, uh, I'd like to take this opportunity to say, um...
Stranger: But I'll avoid that from here on out.
You: You've always meant a lot to me... And I don't think... I could ever...
You: Oh.
Stranger: My manhood is placed normally.
You: You're not dying?
Stranger: Slowly
Stranger: From a terminal illness known as "living"
Stranger: But I cope.
You: Huh.
You: Yeah, I'm getting treated for it myself.
Stranger: Really?
Stranger: I didn't know they had a cure.
You: They're working on it.
Stranger: Good to know.
Stranger: I'll have to do some more research.
Stranger: So whereabouts are you from?
You: California.
Stranger: Nice.
You: Yup.
Stranger: I'm out in bumblefuck, Illinois.
You: Mwahaha.
Stranger: Meh, at university so I don't really care.
Stranger: I'll be home in Chicago soon enough
You: The windy cittay.
Stranger: Yep.
Stranger: And it figures
Stranger: I'm home during the shittiest part of the year to be there
Stranger: Great.
You: You a city boy, then.
Stranger: Yep.
Stranger: And I'm surrounded by rednecks at school here
You: Hoho!
Stranger: Seriously
Stranger: they regale stories of driving tractors around drunk
You: Oh.
You: Wonderful.
Stranger: Yeah.
Stranger: You in college?
You: Oh, yeah.
You: A big ol' University of California.
Stranger: Fun.
You: Yeh.
Stranger: What are you studying?
You: Yeah, right.
Stranger: :[
You: Oh, I mean, like I know.
You: Yeh, I study whatever I want.
Stranger: Undecided?
You: I mean...
You: Intependent.
You: I have decided - I've decided not to pick a fucking major.
Stranger: Quite the decision
Stranger: Even though you'll probably need to declare by your junior year.
You: How I'll convince the paper-pushers to get over themselves, and let me expand my usefulness to the world without their labels, well...
You: Because seriously, fuck the common trajectory. I'll follow it only until I can grab onto some fucking real human progress.
Stranger: You're seriously anti-The Man
You: We're totally dominated by tremendous powers, and a college degree isn't going to help with much except, uh, getting a job with them.
You: And, remember, fuck them.
You: It's not The Man, it's The Men, and they own everything.
You: Which, I mean...
You: Is true.
Stranger: Hooray for men, I guess.
You: Oh.
You: Interesting.
Stranger: Haha.
You: I didn't mean "Men."
You: I guess, yeah, I meant "The Man."
Stranger: See, I'm a white male, so the Men aren't out to get me
You: I was just trying out the plural...
You: Yes, they are!
Stranger: So my college degree is a formality, I have a job lined up and everything
You: Well... They're not out to get you...
Stranger: Because of the good ol' boys club.
You: They've got you!
Stranger: They paid me off well.
You: Yup.
You: And you will eat their shit your whole life.
You: And you'll probably die happy, and contented.
Stranger: Yep.
Stranger: So far, no issues here
You: Which, I mean, is the best I could hope for you.
You: And I do hope you die happy and contented.
Stranger: Hey, if things don't work out
Stranger: I'll come out to California or something
Stranger: and we can protest the establishment.
You: Fuck protests.
You: My life is a constant protest.
You: So is everyone's.
Stranger: We can silently chillax by a nice lake or something?
Stranger: Maybe eat a small meal?
Stranger: I don't know
You: Wine?
You: Or beer?
Stranger: What do you want from me?!
Stranger: Ah, depends.
You: Yeh... Could go either way.
You: Depends on if we've gota boat.
Stranger: Beer goes with a bunch of guys hanging out eating a ridiculous amount of meat
Stranger: Wine is a bit more fancy, and reserved for occasions where one needs to impress his companion.
You: Haha,
You: Not boxed wine!
Stranger: Oh no
Stranger: Last time I had box wine
Stranger: The people I was sharing it with
Stranger: well, we named the box karl
You: Ha!
Stranger: Bad night.
You: Good ol' karl.
You: Bad ol' Karl?
Stranger: We killed the hell out of Karl
Stranger: Then tried to entertain ourselves
You: Space-bag it?
Stranger: Which is not easy when you've just slammed a box of wine
You: Um, yeh, fucking rednecks can do it.
You: You could play, uh...
You: Man, I don't know what to do when your drunk...
Stranger: I generally just get food.
You: I just try softly to get laid.
Stranger: Depending on how drunk I am.
Stranger: Sometimes I generally just stop talking because stupid things come pouring out.
You: Heh.
Stranger: But then there are the times where I'm in between sober and trashed
Stranger: And those are the times to listen in.
You: In vino veritas?
Stranger: Haha.
Stranger: More like drunken, overly-suspicious babbling.
Stranger: Also I have a nasty habit of telling stories with my friends
Stranger: to each other
Stranger: when we were both there
You: I won
You: I won't pretend that I still know what you are talking about.
You: For some reason, that didn't make sense to me.
You: Maybe I don't get drunk enough.
Stranger: Don't be like me
You: Ok.
You: Promise.
You: Hmmm...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: knock knock
You: Who the hell are you?
Stranger: KNOCK KNOCK
You: IT'S UNLOCKED!
Stranger: O RLY?
You: YA RLY.
Stranger: -opens door-
Stranger: Anyone homeeeee?
You: Uh, hello?
You: Who is it?
Stranger: It's your mother!
Stranger: have you forgotten me already?
You: Oh god!
You: Ma! Are you-
You: Back from the grave!?
Stranger: HOW DARE YOU!
Stranger: I RAISED YOU
Stranger: FROM WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG
You: And now you've been raised
You: from the dead.
Stranger: and you pay me back with this INSOLENCE?
Stranger: COME HERE CHILD
Stranger: i need to tell you something
Stranger: i'm back, to deliver a message to you
You: What is it, momma?
Stranger: come closer.
You: ...yeah?
Stranger: -whispers-
Stranger: The Game
You: F...
You: FUCK, I JUST LOST THE GAME!
Stranger: Now i must leave you my son
Stranger: for you are a failure
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: Hello.
You: Who the hell are you?
Stranger: I'm an overworked business student in his last year of school. Who the hell are you?
You: I'm a sapling who fears the whiddler.
Stranger: Saplings don't have much to worry about, whittling green wood is hard.
Stranger: Poetic image, though.
You: Well, eventually I won't be, and then they'll fucking turn me into a peg, a totem, or a bench.
You: But you know that; you're a business student.
Stranger: If it makes you feel better, pegs and totems and benches are infinitely more useful
You: Than what, trees?
Stranger: Yup. Otherwise we wouldn't turn them from one to the other.
Stranger: People like to hate business, but all business does is give people what they want. If people didn't want a bench, we'd never cut down a tree to make one.
You: Yup.
You: I adore utility.
You: I guess my analogy makes me a fool.
Stranger: It's possible. But fools can be adorable, so all is not lost.
Stranger: And it is, as I said, a very poetic image. I enjoyed it.
You: It wasn't supposed to make you happy. I was trying to express my fear of the fucking... tremendous powers that be...
You: But, you know, I am glad if it did.
Stranger: And it's effective, making me happy is a side effect. Not an altogether negative one, either.
You: Yeah, I don't really know what to say next, either.
Stranger: Heh. That happens sometimes. Tell me about yourself, stranger! Fear of that which is more powerful than the individual notwithstanding, of cours.e
You: Uh...
You: I adore utility...
You: No, I already said that.
You: I'm a pisces.
Stranger: Oh, snap, me too.
Stranger: March 7th.
You: Feb. 25th.
Stranger: '88, incidentally. I am officially a venerable ancient.
You: Huh...
You: Undergrad?
Stranger: Indeed. Just finishing it up.
You: I'm a second year.
You: No major.
You: Not undecided - I've decided to graduate without one.
Stranger: I'm not sure it's possible to graduate without one. At least, as far as I know it's not. No school offers a Degree in Nothing.
You: Listen...
You: Fuck that.
You: Y'know?
Stranger: While I admire the spirit behind it, that still won't get you out with a degree in nothingness :P. Ultimately you'll end up collecting enough random courses to qualify for a degree in something.
You: If I were granted an honorary degree from some prestigious private school, would they grant it in a department?
Stranger: Yep. They'd have to.
You: Hm...
Stranger: Every bachelor's degree is a bachelor's degree in something.
You: Polyology...
Stranger: study of parrots?
You: Ha.
You: Ha.
You: Well, fuck.
Stranger: I thought it was clever.
You: It was.
You: It was.
Stranger: Good! It's important to my ego that I maintain cleverness.
Stranger: And my ego is important in genera.
You: For the future of the world!
You: Hey...
You: Try this: Tell me a fictional life story that you've made up completely, but still results in a you identical to the real one.
Stranger: Hmph. Givem e a sec, I'm not sure if I can do this. Past me was an unpredictable bastard.
Stranger: Nah, I don't have it in me. it's two am and I'm burnt out. Ask again after I've gotten some sleep and a good breakfast.
You: Ok.
You: Send it to dysaniak.
Stranger: I will likely forget, 'twould be wise to remind me. The message is there for you to respond to.
Stranger: To avoid confusion, I've started offering this disclaimer every time someone new is added to the stupid thing: I found AIM before I knew what a furry was. I just thought pie was delicious and wolves were cool, but not necessarily in that order.
You: Oh, wow.
Stranger: You'd be surprised at the things I had to endure to convince me to start disclaiming.
Stranger: I'm not usually someone who likes to qualify anything.
You: I have an inkling...
You: *Yiff!*
Stranger: Which is a stupid word.
Stranger: I maintain that it is a stupid word. And always will.
Stranger: Frankly, the whole subculture is stupid. Everyone finds certain animalistic traits attractive when applied to humans, cat-like grace being only the easiest to spot. It doesn't make you special to find these things attractive, and it CERTAINLY doesn't make you special to exaggerate them into something ridiculous like claiming to be an animal.
You: They're no more useless than any other slice of the population...
Stranger: Oh, certainly not.
Stranger: But the other slices of the population never made me disclaim anything.
Stranger: So I have less against them.
You: Ah, yeah.
You: Um...
You: Omegle.
You: Has made me disclaim plenty...
You: I used to start every conversation like this: "I do not want to have sex with you. I do not want to talk about having sex with you."
Stranger: Eh, I typically just tell them I'm too dudesque for such activities
You: Anything just to break them of their expectations.
Stranger: I'm not entirely sure what their expectations are.
You: "ASL?" They say. "Nope." I respond.
Stranger: I've started telling them "There are no girls on here."
You: I ask them what gender they think I am.
You: And then I tell them they are right.
You: Either way.
Stranger: I can't figure out what they expect to happen. The vast majority of people you run into in most parts of the internet are dudes.
Stranger: Therefore, it can be reasonably assumed that the vast majority of Omeglers are dudes
You: And assholes.
You: Or idiots.
You: Or perverts.
You: Or robots.
You have disconnected.
You: Who the hell are you?
Stranger: a Chinese.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Who the hell are you?
Stranger: hi
Stranger: can you keep a secret?
Stranger: =\
Stranger: i think i might have killed my mum
You: Interesting.
You: What do you mean 'think?'
Stranger: she was being a total bitch and so i shoved her, but down the stairs. and now shes not breathing. . i need someone to talk to
Stranger: no cops
Stranger: they will just say im crazy
You: I don't think so.
You: They could help her.
Stranger: shes terrible to me tho is it wrong for me to want her to be far away from me?. . .
You: Well, it was wrong of you to push her.
Stranger: and my stepfather
You: But I think it's understandeable.
Stranger: well i didnt mean to shove her the way i did
Stranger: she was just grabbing on me
Stranger: drunk
You: You and your mother, no one else is home?
Stranger: no my stepfather will come home soon he will surely try to kill me
You: And the first thing you did, was sit down on Omegle, and talk to strangers?
Stranger: i dont want to talk to anyone who i know =|
You: What other responses have you had?
Stranger: you're only the second person ive talked to
Stranger: if i call the police im goign to leave the house
You: If you are afraid that your stepfather will be dangerously upset, you need to call the police before he returns.
Stranger: right after i do
Stranger: i will. . .but i will be sure to be far away
You: You should call the police now.
You: You can leave, that's fine.
You: Just make sure they arrive.
Stranger: but i dont know what to do, where to go. . .and they will want to talk to me
You: Well, I think you should talk to them, frankly.
You: Summon up a little courage, friend.
Stranger: nono i know shes dead. . .maybe god wanted it to happen, shes tried to kill me more than once i didnt want it to happen this way but what can i do, im only 15 where will i go?
You: You're 15?
Stranger: yes =|
You: What year were you born?
Stranger: why?
You: Frankly, I don't really believe what you're saying.
Stranger: its ok if you dont =\
Stranger: its a sick thing to think about
You: If what you are saying is true, you need to have the guts to call the police. Then you should go to a friends' or neighbors' house, and stay there. Or just outside.
You: Tell them your mother fell down the stairs, tell them that she isn't breathing.
You: Tell them, if you like, that she has been drinking.
Stranger: they wont think it was me? i just dont want them to
Stranger: im just nervous about that and i will call them i need to now. . .maybe if shes still alive
Stranger: im going to
You: Good.
You: That's good.
You: They will be easy to talk to on the phone.
Stranger: ty stranger, im goign to leave the house after i do. . .ill just explain everythign over the phone
You: Just call, please.
[At this point, I left the room, told Tyler, Anya and Kelsey about this, then called Katelyn, and started to explain to her. Ten or so minutes later...]
Stranger: Hello.
Stranger: Who am i speaking with?
You: Who am I speaking with?
Stranger: Im with the Minnesota/ fridley police department
Stranger: Do you know where the person you were talking to might have gone?
You: You can clearly see the entirety of our conversation.
You: What's your badge number?
Stranger: Listen, why are you questioning me?, ill ask you another question and you can be honest. .do you live in this state?
You: Bull. Shit.
You: Wise up, bridge-dweller.
Stranger: Its ok if you dont feel like answering atm. . .im goign to have to head out . . . this isnt my place of work ive done my job
You: Yeah, yeah.
Stranger: This wont be the last time you hear from us.. you better keep up your story
You: Oh, man.
You: I really wish you'd been better at this.
You: Because you almost, almost had me.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
